Sorry for the delay!

Ok so no pictures yet. I have them ready to go... But I can't hook up to the internet at my parents house... I don't know why... But I will try my hardest to have some up this weekend...

What have I been up to you may ask? Well... I moved from Riverside to Brawley for the month of july... I have finally found a way not to spend any money at all... Move to my parents house... I have been here two weeks and have maybe spent oh... $50? Now this is not counting the trips I have taken to San Diego to visit my brother (he is interning at a church there). Did I mention I am working? Yep! I'm working for my Dad... It's ok... I can't complain because I am making a substantial (sp?) amount of money and not really spending any... The work in manual labor and it is outside.. In Brawley... Where at 6:00 tonight and still 112... What will I buy in the future you might ask... Well probably a deposit and first months rent, maybe a new pair of jeans (nordstroms here I come!), and possibly a LCD flat screen for my new apartment. I have given much thought to the last one and have done some research.

This weekend (tomorrow afternoon actually) I will be heading up (Kind of weird to think that something actually exists past southern California) to Riverside to get away. I have a Broken In Leadership meeting for church (oh how I miss my church) and I'm going to be hanging out at Hostel 31... I may crash a going away party... Well I'm assuming Kim just forgot to add me to the e-vite, but I'm coming anyways! haha! Don't worry Mo, I will come with a gift fitting for a person who will be traveling across the country...

This morning I registered for classes... I can't believe by May of next year I will be done with Grad school. After graduating I think I will have everyone call me Master Kyle... Any Thoughts? I was chatting with my cousin and she thinks that we should act snobby and only talk to eachother at Thanksgiving, She is a speech theropist(sp?).. I told it would get a little boring... When I registered for classes it gives me a brief overview at the end of how much each semester is costing... I think I'm going to be poor for the rest of my life! Especially if I am going back for my PhD. Oh man... More loans!!! PTL!!!

Alright I'm out... I need to shower and pack! Peace!

Maybe it's just me...

So sometimes I feel like I am being judged on my future employment decisions... I mean I guess people don't understand that I need a GA position in order to fulfill assistantship hours for my Grad program... I think some people think that I am not doing anything except working a low paying job and applying for another one to "Waste Time" or "Hold off till I can figure what I want to be when I 'grow up'"... But I don't think they understand... Oh well... So NO I'm not wasting time or trying to figure out what I want to do... In fact the GA possition is euipping me for my profession... And it isn't JUST a job...

I feel like I haven't shared about my life in a while. I am finishing up my first assistantship and in the process of mulling over some other opportunities that have come my way... So life is a little full of decissions and stress of what is going to be the 'next step'... I'm going to Southeast Asia for the month of june, which should be an a-maz-ing experience!!! I'm so excited about going!!! Now I need to worry about moving out of my apt. and finding a place to live for the month of july.. I should probably find a job too... But maybe not... I have a place to store my stuff and most of my bills are paid for.. I guess I could wonder for the month... If I have the funds to do that... If any of you know of a job thatt will house me a pay a little cash, let me know! or just pay for housing and meals... That would be cool... alright, so that is what's going on... I'm out.. Peace!

I'm lame!

I know I'm lame.. I haven't blogged since the 11th.. Well I don't really know who reads this.. So maybe I'm not lame...

Here is the Readers Digest version of my past couple of weeks...
Work..
School...

Done.

Yep, I lead a pretty boring life... Well not really.. I get to hang out with students and attend student events as a job... And I get paid for it! So I have a pretty Amazing Job!!!!
So this past couple of weeks I have gone to Disneyland, The wild Animal Park (That may have been before the 11th), Wicked, and presented at the Christian College Leadership Conference at APU (all for free). I was also a judge for Battle of the Bands and assisted with Campus Days. Needless to say, I am a little tired!

Ok.. I don't know where I was going with this blog... I will blog more later! I promise! And those of you who have messaged me or e-mailed me and I haven't replied.. I'm sorry!

I feel like a diversity slut

It's 12am and I'm still awake... We had an interesting time in diversity class. I will refrain from talking about it too much because I would like to respect my class in our discussions, we need to have a safe place and the only way to keep it safe is to keep it confidential.

But I will discuss my title... I do feel like a diversity slut... it's because of a side comment a person stated in class today, which is why I think discussions in our class shouldn't leave our class! But anyways!

So after class some friends in my cohort and I have been debriefing our class at starbucks... It has been a really good time to discuss our thoughts on diversity, the church, and the christian university. I wish we could tape it and send it to our professor just so she would know that what we talk about in class in taking shape outside of class.

So I'm coming to the relization that the areas of life I am passionate about are very different from everyone else's... I'm tired... I'm out! Peace!

Distractions

I ask for Alayna's forgiveness right now.. I haven't started reseaching for our lit review.. I have been distracted for two hours! So I'm going to waist more time and blog!

I called my parents this morning... I should rephrase that... I called every single phone my parents have to get a hold of them... I called home, cell phones, and office... My dad finally picked up his cell phone. He was at work... On monday the price of fertilizer goes up, so all the fertilizer companies (my dad sells to) want to get it while it's cheap! I know, exciting times of my family and the business! That is all besides the point... I asked my dad where my mom was.. She was bringing my dad and his employees cookies! Isn't my mom a good bosses wife? I wonder what kind of cookies she made them? Peanut butter? choclate chip? mrs. fields? Oatmeal Raisin? M&M? I am not kidding when I say that my mom makes the best cookies ever! Seriously! My mouth is watering haha! I'm such a fat kid! I wish my mom would send me cookies... I don't need them though... I haven't had the best eatting habits lately!

I'm at Java Bliss right now! Best coffee shop in Riverside! Asian's know how to do the coffee shop thing! There tea's are great here! Is it bad to say that I enjoy going to coffee shops and listening to conversations... There are two guys behind me, They are christian guys. One is from Tenessee.. I don't know if he is a record producer or a pastor, or a music artist... But I have enjoyed some of there conversation. The other guy is from Riverside and he must be a worship leader at harvest or something.. He is young... The two people that are working are having very random conversations here and there. One of the workers is the owners son and the other is a high schooler... They are both pretty funny...

I 'm going to be honest right now (As if I wasn't being honest before).. I have and do strugle with the thought of forgiveness.. Sometime I can totally grasp it and other times I have a hard time understanding it... I'm not talking about me forgiving others, but Christ forgiving us.. Well I shoud say forgiving me! I know for sure that I am forgiven and God Forgives, but I don't think I am worthy of forgiveness... I feel like I have done so much that I shouldn't be forgiven... I guess I sturggle with forgiving myself... I'm rambling... I've spent way to much time here.. I should get going... Peace!

In His Image week.

So I was asked to share my story in a couple of weeks at the opening of 'In His Image Week' at CBU... I'm excited, a little nervous, and keep questioning why they asked me to tell me story...I haven't told it very much and I don't know who would have told the committee... I just got done meeting with my neighbor (she is facilitating the event) and talking about what I need to go over... WOOO Eatting disorders! Yep thats what I get to share about and how I struggle with my image! I am thinking how I am going to approach the subjects and share my story of recovery, because my story of recovery has to do more then just my image... I know, I'm rambling... So I mentioned to my parents that I had an eatting disorder during christmas break... They laughed...Seriously! and told me I didn't... I had to remind them that over eatthing is an eatting disorder... I don't know if they still believed that I have an eatting disorder..

Lately God has been teaching me to be honest... I'm not honest enough... Not that I am a habitual liar, I just tend to leave stuff out so I won't become vulnerable to people... I need to start being honest with myself and others... I heard once that being honest is a step closer in the journey of healing... So from now on, I'll try to be more honest with myself, others, and God! That sounded really Sandals like! I got to get going! I'm starting to get the coffee jitters because I haven't eatten for awhile.. Later!

Oh I'll be sharing my story monday, feb. 26th @ 9:30PM in the staples room. If any of you want to go!

Peace!

Everywhere

WARNING: This blog will be everywhere! I do not have one thought, but many!

Last night was the Super Bowl and I had a great time with some friends at a SB Party! I seriously didn't care who won! It was a very good game the first half! that is besides the point, I want to talk about Coach of the Colts, he lost his son last year from suicide. What was bothering me was the people talking about it around me... They were talking about how the coach has overcome the hurt and now talks about suicide and his son to large groups and congregation. I wasn't thinking about the coach at all I wanted to know why? What was going on in the son's life that he thought it would be better to end his life then cope with the pain? What could have been done? I know nothing can be done now because he is gone... It makes me think of a friend that lost her best friend... He was a christian that struggled with same sex attraction and didn't know how to deal with it. He left a note... His car was found in Big Bear, but his body was never found. Why? It makes me hurt for the families..

I'm sorry for the sad post! I'll make it better!
I spent 4 years in college looking for a church. I was looking for the 'perfect' church.. What did I find? I found that the perfect church doesn't exist... The last year I was searching for not the perfect church, but the church that i could grow in and get involved with... Did I find it? Yep! I have been going to Sandals for about six months now and I love it! I am involved with a small group and have grown in my relationship with Him. I wish I knew more people from church! I'll have to work on that.. Maybe volunteer at the office or something...

So I am picking up my refund check tomorrow! I will put most of it in savings to pay my car payment, but I want to buy a camera... Roxi you may be getting a call from me soon to go camera shopping!

So I am coming up to my year of knowing my mentor... Well actually it was a year today that I contacted him! I am so priveledged of having david as my mentor! He is the only person who calls me out, challenges me, and knows when I am lying! He is one of two people who truely knows me inside out. I am so thankful that God put a Man of God like David in my life. I am also coming up to a year I would like to call "My Journey of Healing... Chapter 1". This past year I have realised that there were and still are things in my life that keep me from drawing to Him. I look forward to another year and Chapter 2 of this journey!

Highlights of Chapter 1:
Meeting David
Having accountability in my life
Discovering my real needs and how I so often fill my needs with stuff that is not of Him
Starting Healing
Understanding God the Father in a completely new way
Forgiveness... Still trying to grasp this one!
Realizing I have an eatting disorder (Not the way you think of... I over eat)
Losing 55 pounds!
Becoming a leader in Broken in!
There are some more.. But I have been at this blog for awhile.. I'm done for now!

Peace!

Praise the Lord!

Finals are done and I get a week off... Well I'm still in class listening to peopletalk about their learning environment designs... BORING!!! Alayna agrees with me that we should of left a long time ago! Alayna and I have been done with ours since 5:30! I think people like listening to themselves! In a good way of course! Peace!

A Ramble before I start homework

I have been thinking about two things today... Well I should say three... and I think I am going to blog about them

First thought...Today matt talked about being a part of the sandals family... I consider myself a part of this very huge family and would like to know more people in this family.. But that is beside the point... As he was talking about the church and all that stuff I came to a conclusion about myself and my relationship with the church and Pastors. I have a phobia of Pastors... I know how ridiculous! I'm afraid of pastors! Pastor Matt introduced himself to me today (I've meet him like twice) He said, "I know you from somewhere" and I quickly said, "I work at CBU", not I'm a leader in Broken-in (I know shock to some people who know what broken-in is!) or I have been going here for a little while.. I quickly shot out an answer and then found a friend to walk to brunch with... I think it stems from a resent I had with a youth pastor that left my youth group when I was younger and the anger I felt because I had let someone in my world and now he was going to leave... And a pastor at my parent’s church I really looked up to and found out that he wasn't perfect and was asked to leave the church because of issues... I don't know.. Maybe I just get socially awkward around pastors and that’s how it's going to be... I hope not because I'm not a socially awkward person.

Thought 2... I'm cooking dinner Friday night for the leaders of the BI... We have two vegetarians in our group... What do I cook?... I looked up some recipes on the food network and decided on a roasted vegetable and penne bake... Had Keith, Jordan, and Matt come over for dinner.. They said it was really good and gave me some input as to what it could use a little more of... Got it all planned for dinner on Friday!

Third thought of the day... I put God in a box way too much... Especially when it comes to healing.. To me healing seems like it doesn't happen as much... I don't know why I said that.. God just slapped me in the face and made me realize the healing that has taken place in my own life... Thanks God... But back to before... I was reading my friend Ruth’s blog, she was sick for a very long time... And God healed her! (I just made a long story very very short) She was able to make it to see the rip age of 22! Ruth, if you read this I admire your willingness to listen and obey, you are awesome! I need not to put God in a box...

Well got to get to homework! Finals are this week and I am so ready for a break! Pray that I will not procrastinate!

P.S. Thanks Roxi for the camera info!

Peace!

Short Blog.

I though I would share this with you...

Everytime someone talks about freedom writers I think of freedom riders, which makes me think of the song Ridin' by Chamillionaire. So stop talking about freedom writer people because They see me rollin, They hatin, Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty... haha... Peace!

A Little Ramble

Lately I feel like I have been around so many people but have felt completely lonely. This is not the first time. Now don’t you worry, I’m not suicidal or anything! I told a friend and he asked if I was ok… I had to affirm that I’m ok… I’m just lonely… I get tired of taking the initiative of calling people to hang out… Enough with that…

I had coffee with my mentor tonight. I can not tell you how much I look up to him and how much I miss hanging out with him… He is probably one of the only people that can see right through me and has no problem calling me out. I love it!

Ok, I got to get going. I have so much homework… Got to get it done!

Anybody know if anyone that has one of these in the year of 1991, 1985, or 1987? My mom collects them and these are the only years she is missing… She has 50 of them and I cleaned them during thanksgiving… and hour and a half of cleaning Holly Bells! Thank God for TarnX!